This is My Journal

WHOA! its been a long time since i seen yo' pretty face

2009-03-24T11:23:56Z

well... let's see. don't even know where to start. so i live with my boyfriend kevin for like a year now. more on that later. the place i was working as a manager closed down and stole my money and the owner fucked me over royally. no more on that. i had an interview last night to work for the census and one tonight to be a nanny. sounds ok. need the money!!!!!!!! haven't worked in almost 6 months! WHOA.

well... have you ever thought you were in the wrong place at the wrong time? what about in the wrong place at the right time with the wrong person. that's how i feel this morning. i love my boyfriend. i really do. i just KNOW that he is soooo far away from my expectations and standards. that is mean to say. i know this. i think that we are together right now because God wants us to learn something from each other. when we are done learning from each other, God will make something happen where we end it, or God will perform a miracle and change him or the way I see him- US. i just want that feeling again. i want to be IN LOVE. i'm not in love right now. i love someone, but hell, i love a lot of people.

i talked to my ex last week. he's gorgeous, he makes me crazy (in a good and bad way), and he makes me shake i'm so excited to talk to him. BUT he's done some shitty shit to me. reguardless, i still go crazy when i hear his voice. i don't have that with the current one AT ALL. i've been faithful, though. don't get me wrong. phone call is as far as it goes.

ok- next. when i was a little younger- like 3-4 years ago, i pictured my life completely different. i thought for sure i would be living in another country with a guy that i spent 1 amazing month with. i talk to this guy ever so often and it always ends in the same way- we love each other. still- to this day after not seeing each other for 4 years and only knowing each other in person that one month. we've both dated other people and still talk during that about when and how we can see each other again, how we miss each other, etc. he's amazing and doing amazing things and beautiful all around. but i think everyone has some kind of fantasy where a foreign man comes and sweeps them off there feet and they travel the world together in love, don't they? so maybe he's just a pipe dream that would never work. but it makes me feel amazing to think about it. is it too far fetched?

anyway- thats just my messed up thinking. the guy i'm with is a nice guy and doesn't understand why i think there's any problem, so i'm trying to act like there's not anymore.

on another note: brookie is gone to texas with her dad and its SO boring here. hopefully i'll get that job today and have something to get me out of this house. i'm so lonely and he is still here with me all the time. doesn't matter if he's in the room or not, i still feel all alone. oh well. its just a phase (i tell myself). just a phase. i think i like being single and having more opportunities, though. shh. our little secret, right? ha.

i love my puppies. thats enough. hope everyone is doing great. miss allll of my people and i GOING to make more plans more often. i've got to. i haven't seen anyone since HALLOWEEN! thats awful. well- i love all of you. maybe i'll have some mexican fiesta today. someone should come with me.

man no more PLEASE...

2008-11-12T22:02:49Z

my bubba brad is gone.

i'm very angry. very sad.

i feel half retarded and can't seem to make a decision about anything. even what to eat! (which is normally really easy for me...)

if i shut up about him and stop saying his name, it doesn't help. flashes of his face are burnt into my head. it kills me.

i look at my brother who survived the crash and can't help but wonder why and how he is as good as he is. he was too lucky. too damn lucky. he's got a big ass angel.

you think if you intentionally remember all you can about a person every single day that would be good or bad??? it makes me miss him more, but it feels better a little too.

i don't know what i am saying. i just don't want to get out of this chair. i don't want to move. i don't want to do anything. i feel like laying in bed with a bottle of gin and 3 packs of smokes and not doing anything this week.

i think jewish people have it right. when someone dies we shouldn't bathe, change clothes, or get more than 1 foot off the ground for a week. i think the floor is the best place to be right now. that sounds great. maybe i'll lay in the floor with a bottle of gin and 3 packs of smokes. yep. sounds like a plan.

i hated being stuck in sylcauga. the only thing was, they are mourning there, too. here in b'ham its life as usual and i need to get on with it. don't want to yet. not ready to yet. guess i feel like i'm giving up on brad if i stop grieving now. (not like i have any control over grief, i guess, or it wouldn't be grief, right?) see... still not making any sense. i think if i just open my mouth what i am thinking will come on out, but it doesn't. i unfortunately don't know what i am thinking, so most of the time i just say, "i just don't know". which is 100% true, but pointless to repeat 1000 times a day.

you know, i think its easier to loose mean people. but that never seems to be the case. its always the ones that are damn-near perfect. brad was almost perfect. only not perfect because he wasn't jesus i guess. he would make you feel good, rub on your shoulders, give you a hug, tell you you're beautiful, listen to what you say, play the best music, have the best smile, the best hair, the best face, the nicest voice, the prettiest hands, the most gentlemanly personality. he was amazing. just amazing. but he was lonely. he was depressed about being lonely. i hate that. i remember when i was so damn lonely. i would hate for my end to come when i felt like that. he was happy, too though. has a nice car, nice job, good money, bright and shiny future. i guess i just can't accept this yet. not yet. he was TOOOO good. almost too good to be true, and now he is.

i love him. i miss him. i am pissed as fuck that he is gone. i wanna hit something all day long. damn it.

i guess when i am making sense again, i won't write anymore again. but i love all of you guys, too. brad said to tell everyone that everyday.

insomniac or what... SLEEEEP...COME TO MEEE

2007-11-29T08:40:15Z

well....

here i am... back again... of course i'm writing cause i'm bored. i can't sleep. maddie told me i would be up playing on the computer all night instead of sleeping. only got like an hour of sleep today. crazy nick and his new boyfriend came over last night. INTERESTING... it was fun. played a bunch of cards.

got this job at regions!! collections! orientation on monday. THANK GOD. i am such a waste of space right now. WORK is what i need. WORK WORK WORK and i will feel alive again. maybe i'll meet some interesting people.

i want to form a law suite against caldwell foundry and machine here in birmingham. i think they have destroyed my family. i think that they are all dying off way too early with really rare cancers for no good reason except that foundry and i want to ERIN BROCKOVICH that shit and take those bitches DOWN.

umm... i'm tired of typing already. i love you all. nighty night

ray ray

....

2007-01-11T09:05:12Z

life makes me want to throw up a little. yeah.

its been a while

2006-11-27T18:54:01Z

well... today i am working the front office all alone at beloved american family care. slow day. i keep catching up on my work and then having nothing to do. i need to let it all pile up so it will keep me busy longer.

i rear ended someone on the way to work this morning. car seems ok- no serious scratches or anything. i'm fine except i feel like i have a pinched nerve in my ankle from hit the break so hard and hitting the car so hard. i was AMAZED when i saw no obvious damage. it was a freakin miracle. damn foot is killin me though. ouchy.

i fell asleep last night and had planned on going to the Beans' for dinner. i woke up today like--"oh wow. its tomorrow." a little WINE did me in last night. damn wine. i think half the bottle is still sitting on the table... oh well.

i need my DEBIT CARD. the damn bank better have it in my mailbox TODAY. no where... NO WHERE takes checks. it PISSES me off. what happens if i need gas?? huh?? i'm screwed. have to go to brunos and write a check over to get 20 bucks. i need more than that to live. damn heetherns.

family feud is perhaps the most cheesy game show still on TV. its on in the office right now and i am amazed at its massive amounts of retardation on stage.

my boss is a bitch. she is a crazy crazy bitch. oh well. whatever. weirdo.

today is so weird. this little kid is sitting in the waiting room going, "huhhhh huuhhh huuuhh uhhhhh huuuhh mmmmm huhhh mmmmm hhhhhuuuuh huuuuuuuh uuuuh huuuh huuu huuuh...." and i want to kill her. remind me that sex make kids.

also advertising... : NEEDS MAN FOR PERSONAL USE 1-2 DAYS A WEEK. MAY STAY THE NIGHT IF WELL TRAINED. MAY REQUIRE LOW ALCOHOL TOLERANCE.

anyway... life is boring right now i guess. i want to go to sleep. maybe i will lay here in the floor. wonder if anyone would notice...

EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

2006-02-14T22:49:02Z

well... today starts off rocky and depressing- d'day blues. and yes, it IS d'day.

BUT--- i got a valentine's wish from the wonderful alejandro and it has made my entire day! i love that kid to death. :) hehe so--- happiness rains down on the world around me and well-wishes to all the disgusting love-birds out there!!

aaahh... the power of "ilove you"

my boys

2006-02-08T03:29:56Z

i really miss miguel and alejandro today. i wanna see them. i need to. that's all.

workin

2006-01-27T14:14:01Z

well, its 8am and i am sitting here at work. my boss lady is off work today, so her 2nd in command is in charge, and we really don't have that much to do. cool cool.

stayed with my sister last night, and i did see the sun before i "went to sleep"- if you can even call it that. and here i sit at work w/o sleep AGAIn...nice.

this weekend is going to be excitedly UN-eventful. this will be the first weekend in MONTHS that i will stay in T-town, much less stay in T-Town and NOT party. just want to chill out and maybe go out to the country and hang out with manda and the kids. don't know yet.

well. all is fine and dandy in rachel land. wishing i had some sleep, but it will come in good time. :)

p.s.~my apartment is clean, so brooke, kelly, celesta--- feel free to come by and see me and shanannananana this weekend!! wooo hoo! we may be cooking a feast!! he he he...

maybe maybe baby

2006-01-25T00:28:32Z

that title has nothing to do with anything.

well, i have been doing some art projects. as of now i am covered in dry paint. was feelin pretty sick, but its ok. i don't care. trying to get some more decoration in my apartment. i love little projects-- it makes me look like a 5 year old decorated, but i don't care. i like it. :)

been smoking a lot. been chilling out making some CD's...getting organized. fun fun.

school is alright. lots of work. work is getting more laid back. i am actually sitting down a lot more- kinda throws me off. lol

still missing my buddies, but realizing that's just life and i gotta deal with it. so- all in all things are well. just like yesterday, day before, day before that, etc...

gotta go watch FRIENDS!!! (serious addict)

whats goin on

2006-01-24T01:38:47Z

work is good.

classes are good.

hanging out with buddies is good.

life's pretty dull right now- nothing interesting- just good.

Fuck the FUCKING livejournal

2006-01-03T09:25:32Z

yay! 2005 is over. i hated this whole fucking year...with the exception of speaking at graduation, the Focus Program in high school, and of course VENEZUELA. well... glad to see a new year.

new classes. yay.

new job. yay.

working with fraternity boys. yay.

feeling free, happy, and...well...at the moment, full. yay.

camilo is here from brasil. yay.

alcohol. yay.

friends. yay.

orgies. yay. (just kidding. haha.)

josh is home. yay.
(p.s.~ inside scoop: pulling soldiers out of Iraq early this year, leaving only 100,000 total soldiers there. GOOD NEWS. woooo hoooooo)

as i look back to 2005, i see many many mistakes, many lessons learned, many regrets (and yes i am one of those people who think that dispite learning shit from messing up, you can still regret the HELL out of it.), many new friends, new babies, new extended family in t-town, accumulation of alcohol tolerance, strength, weakness, fear, excitement, anger, remorse, weight loss, weight GAIN, joy, sadness, and finally RELIEF. thank God its over and i'm still alive.

oh, and one more---

YAY!

i love everybody. happy new year. live the hell out of it.

santa clause is comin to town

2005-12-18T06:12:16Z

well...home for the holidays! back at my mom's house. done with...exam (singular). it was a fabulous test. the professor let us take it in groups! wonderful...

josh home from iraq--- still haven't seen him and i've been here in town for 3 days. too bad i assumed i was more important than i ACTUALLY am. oh well. my mom likes me! so do my sisters, and my dad some days, and my girls in t-town, and my peoples in sly-town. sooo- its all good.

i have no idea what time it is. i have no idea what i am doing awake right now. i am bored. i am sleepy. i am half watching kate and leopold on tv. mom did my laundry. that was awesome. we're going shopping tomorrow. that's awesome. bethany had a dirty santa party here. that was torture. umm... miguel and alejandro are 95% posetive they will be here at the end of Feb. from venezuela... if i haven't told you all about them before...well....they are the most amazing boys on the face of the earth and anyone will tell you that. NO AMERICAN BOY CAN EVEN BEGIN SURPASS THEM. EVER. anyway...they're great. i love them. i can't wait to see them. i have to loose weight. boooo. yeah, my fat ass is just getting ridiculous. its making me nauseous when i look in the mirror. grosse. anyway... BOOO fatty foods, BOOO fast foods, BOOOO anything but water and cigarettes. yay! woo hoo! :) lol

ok... so... random talking out of my ass... blah blah blah... who lives in a pineapple under the sea?! yeah!!

"i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...diddly dee dee... there they are a standing in a row...bum bum bum...big ones small ones, some as big as ya' head..."

end.

babies, old friends, joy, and back to lonliness, boredom, and waisted life

2005-12-14T22:09:55Z

well....yesterday was an incredible day. absolutely incredible day...amazing. wow. anyway... my friend sarah, (off and on best buddy since 9th grade), had her baby yesterday. i was at my mom's house in oxford, escaping from t-town AGAIN...(ps: why am i paying for an apartment that i might as well not even live in...)ADD- ok, well: i got up at 6am so ready to go to the hospital and see that baby. i got to jacksonville hospital at maybe 830, found sarah's room, and went in to a still pregnant sarah sitting up in the bed. her mom and fiance were there- so happy to see her and her mom. yay. :) well- i stayed there all day, helping her through contractions and horrible pains, scratching her itches were she couldn't reach, putting cold towels on her head...and FINALLY at 12:50--- IT WAS TIME. unfortunately, her mother and i had stepped out for a cigarette break and came back to the hallway as screaming/crying was echoing out the door. turned out it was sarah and the baby (thank god) had not come yet. we got there just in time. i asked her if she wanted me to go outside with the other family members and she screamed "NOOOO!!" so... i stayed. i watched her beautiful baby girl (samantha grace) literally be BORN. it was amazing. so amazing. grosse...but amazing. (ps: i'm adopting) sarah was so brave, and only screamed when she actually CAME OUT. it was a very emotional day. so many tears, so many smiles. wow. she's going to call me aunt rachel...:) yay me. i have a new niece. yay! :) sarah is a MOMMY!! so unbelievable. so happy. so full of emotion.

anyway- it was so nice to be back with that family. it was the first time i have TRULY felt normal in months. wow. so nice. her brother (one of my ex's and now really great friend) is coming home tonight. YAY!! he was in iraq and then japan- and now he's COMING HOME!! he's been gone for a year. i can't wait- but i have to wait until tomorrow night to see him because college is completely gay and ridiculous and i have an exam tomorrow. i swear, i don't even know why i'm going. i didn't go to the other ones. this is the only class i actually have a chance of passing. MAYBE. this semester sucks ass and officially marks 2005 "THE WORST YEAR EVER!" (vh1...best year ever...anyway...) add--- so bored. so lonely. so wish i could just ride over to my friends' house... wait- can't...NO STINKING BODY HERE. to do so: must drive 2 1/2 hours...must have $$$$ to be able to drive... must have TIME to go (studying- FUCKING FUCK FUCK) well. yeah. bout that.

needless to say... my mom and little sister are my best friends. how lame am i. hate college. can't wait until tomorrow so i can leave again. not because of no classes- i don't go to classes now- just because i am tired of feeling GUILTY about not going. thats all.

why do the movies make it seem like college is the best time of your life? i think maybe it is for people who go to college with their best friends or in the town they grew up in, or if they hated high school so bad that anything else is better so they just kinda have a warped view of what "the best time of your life" is. actually- take that back. its just me and my negativity. i think. i don't know anymore.

i gotta go to my house and get my smokes- i just lit up a longer butt out of the ash tray. aahhh...brings back memories of middle/high school and being desperate for a whole cig. hahaha fun times.

i love how i only write on here when i feel like whining- because i do right now. and my entries are so long, that i know if you actually decide to read this, you must be bored, too. and seeing how everyone else seems to have a life up here besides me- well, i think that is not many people. soo... hmm... i don't know why i write in this thing for real. i could just as easily open up word and bitch to no one. that would make me seem like a more sane, happier, less- problematic person that people used to THINK i was.

well. life is short. i am too. we have at least one thing in common.

boredom is waisting away hours of my life

2005-12-06T01:12:40Z

well...since i have nothing else to do:
checked myspace- X
checked facebook-X (spacebook, myface....HAHAHHAHA)
eaten shitty dinner-X
watched same old movies over and over-X
called old friends to check in-X
livejournal-

this semester has been an absolute waist of time and money. (end)

this weekend has amounted to me NOT doing ANYTHING. (end)

interesting and illegal: some DVD's were send to D.H. Rahual at my address...hmm... KEPT 'EM. HAHAHAHA they were good ones! gah! Charlie and the Chocolate FActory and Batman Begins. I mean, wouldn't you keep 'em??? well, i did. hehehe. there was also a check for $15 but i couldn't figure out how to handle that so i just chunked it. figured i'd get caught somehow. anyone who knows how to illegally deposit a check with someone else's name on it... please leave info in comment. thanks. LOL (end)

started talking to my ex-boyfriend from 10th grade whom i haven't spoken to since 10th grade. WEIRD but so damn good. he is looking pretty FUCKIN fine now. i mean DAMN. plus- he's older than me which is a goal that i have made myself: to date OLDER FUCKIN BOYS. AND...he's going back to UAB when he gets done serving in the military. that's the shit because as of Jan. 2007 that's where my ass will be. this is my last year and its highly unfortunate that i have to stay even this long. this boy is um um um um um. sad to admit it, but ever since i started talking to him again he has been on my mind a lot. its really REALLY weird...but i like it. he's so sweet, smart, fit, FINE... (end)

i don't give a rat's ass what jeremy does. he can do what he wants and i have decided that i just don't want to know about it. if his goal IS to just upset me, he is doing so and that means i lose. i don't like to lose. he sucks. BUT it sucks that he will always have a piece of me...and i will never be able to look at him and not feel SOMETHING. solution: dont look at him again. (end)

livejournal- X

MANDITORY UPDATE

2005-12-01T23:04:21Z

Well, today is World AIDS Day. I can't believe I am sitting here feeling like crap missing it. This day is supposed to be better than Christmas- out doing speaking engagements, rallies, etc. Dang I miss it. Wish I felt better...ERRRRRRR.

I haven't updated since I went to Texas... well, that trip was well worth the money, the time, and the sleeping at a random gas station. I finally got to tell Jeremy exactly how i felt about everything that he had ever done to me, how he made me feel like shit, how he hurt my feelings all the time, made me cry, made me feel like i was one inch tall... i mean i started from the VERY beginning of the year-and-a-half on/off relationship that we had. it was wonderful. i felt like i had vindicated myself and i was moving ON- finally. it was also quite funny cause he kept asking me to go to bed, or asking me to stop cause he felt bad...my response: "I WILL GO TO BED WHEN I DAMN WELL FEEL LIKE IT. I AM NOT DONE TALKING AND YOU ARE NOT DONE LISTENING TO WTF I HAVE TO SAY." it was SPLENDID. and he woke up the next morning saying, "i still feel bad." and my response: "aww- i am so sorry that you are going to feel bad for one day when i have been feeling bad for a year-and-a-half. waaaa."

the whole trip wasn't negative. we had fun, i love his family and we got along GREAT as usual, we went to some interesting places, and it was nice to get to visit everyone there. anyway... now today....

well, after our horribly awesome conversation that night (his b'day by the way), i told him to not be surprised when he didn't hear from me for a while, and he assured me it would be AT LEAST a month before he called me again. well...today that month got real short and guess what??? he called me. hardy har har. i got it. i got it. woot woot! this is the conversation:

Me: So it hasnt been a month yet. Why are you callin me?
J: Well, you know I was just playin! I love you Rachel. You are like my best friend. I wanted to talk to you, but if you don't want to talk, I understand. I will just let you go...
Me: No, I needed to talk to you anyway.
J: Oh really? what did you have to talk to me about?
ME: i left my glasses somewhere in your house and i need you to find them and send them to me.
J: oh, so all you want to talk to me about is what you need from me??
Me: yeah. why else would i NEED to talk to you?
J: that was mean. i WANT to talk to you. i don't NEED to either.
Me: ok- there you go gettin what you WANT again.
J: (laughing) well, you know i'm graduating next week.
Me; how cute.
J: yeah, they are gonna let me walk with the rest of them in may. you coming?
Me: well, not gonna make any plans for that one.
J: you're so mean to me! gah!
Me: yeah, i'm the mean one, alright.
J: well, i have some news...
Me: what?
J: i'm applying to schools in alabama instead of texas.
Me: WHAT? WHY???? you wanted to stay in texas!!you are moving back??
J: thats what i want. i want to go to UAB and move in somewhere with Conner.
(i had decided to go to UAB a couple weeks ago because they have an excellent school of public health- and he knows that)
Me: YOU CAN'T GO TO UAB!! I AM GOING THERE! YOU KNOW I AM TRANSFERRING THERE! THAT'S NOT FAIR!
J: well, stay at UA then! what'd ya want me to do? go to auburn??
Me: fine by me!! just don't freakin follow me!! damn, jeremy!
J: well, i thought you would be happy about it! damn! didn't you want me to be in alabama?
Me: yeah, a freakin year ago. damn it. damn it.
J: well, i am going to go to UAB. i am going to be living in birmingham. sorry if you don't like it. it won't be until next fall anyway. so who you dating??
Me: shut up. it doesn't matter who i'm dating. i was single when i was there a week ago... don't be stupid.
J: well, sounds like i just need to find you some guy to be with.
Me: i don't need your fucking help, ass hole. if i want a fucking boyfriend i will get one. obviously i don't want one. i am completely satisfied being fat, happy, and friendly.
J: well, conner is here now. i have to go. i'll call you back later, ok?
Me: whatever. tell conner i say hey. send me my glasses. bye.
J: bye!

errrrr. life just keeps on throwing fuckin curve balls. damn it. damn it.

fall into a thousand pieces right into his kiss

2005-11-17T06:32:34Z

and i'm offfff!!! i am almost fully ready to get on the road to TEXAS!! can't wait to see jeremy... kinda nervous cause i have gotten so much fatter since i saw him last. oh well--- i am telling myself that nothing will happen with us when i get there, so why i am worried. hmm...

anyway- this is how i see things going in my head right now. i get to his high school and call him and tell him there is some emergency and his mom told me to call him and tell him to get down there quick. he acts all retarded and doesnt believe me, but goes anyway. then i'll be there waiting in my car- he'll see me, he'll look so shocked, and then slam his car into park, come running towards my car, i get out of my car and run towards him, he throws his arms around me, spins me around, and then tries to kiss me- and i don't let him. i just kiss his cheek or something. then we just talk about why i'm there and how long i'm staying, and eventually i try to tell him how our relationship needs to be- or really NOT be. and then despite my efforts, i am right back in "that" place again. i can't get myself together, and fall into 1000 pieces right into his kiss. ----at least that's how i'm seeing things. hopefully i don't lose my head and i can keep it together enough to make it SO CLEAR that we are not together and can't be. wonder how long i will last... hmm... maybe i should cut my trip short. oh well.. i have a full 13-14 hours to think about this crap in the car.

adios todos!! I'M OUT, YO.

monday monday...

2005-11-15T08:51:27Z

wellllll...can't sleep again. errr. ruined first part of my plan. back track--- i have a plan, now.

1) get crap from my sister's house (including my KEY)
2) drop off my schedule at brooke's old job/(HOPEFULLY) my new job
3) get stinking key from the jank ass post office who hates me'
4) get my advisor to meet with me so i can FINALLY get registered...gah- had to fix my toothie today
5) start working out again like i did in high school aka: get healthy and look better
6) eat better food
7) trash my dishes because i can't look at it anymore...and it would be different if it was all MY damn mess. enough said.
8) go to campus crusade- if nothing else: to meet some people that i can just CHILL with instead of partying with...sick of partying. sick of drinking. (after you bust open your damn tooth and then flat out PASS OUT (literally...not sleep. like HIT THE DAMN FLOOR.) then that doesn't sound so fun. i have a problem with not knowing when to STOP.
9) clean this bitch i am living in.
10) go to the library and pay my fine from checking out movies... NEVER freakin again. NEVER.
11) pay my bills
12) get packed and ready for TEXAS.

oh hell yeah. i am taking a road trip. my first road trip. its monumental. i am so excited. THURSDAY:5 AM. i wish that the person i was going to see was as nice as he is now when he still lived in alabama. somehow i just atract people who are not so good to me i guess... but ANYWAY-- not the point. he is really lonely and its his birthday. i miss his family. its going to be a good trip. only thing is that i have to explain to him that we can not be having these emotional phone calls anymore. i can't take him having feelings for me, now. he had a chance a long time ago...and although i still love the ass- he can never know that. he can never handle that. he can never treat me the way that i know i need to be treated. he can never take care of me emotionally the way that i want to be taken care of. sooo... he is my FRIEND now. he can only be my friend. although, i do keep having these day-dreams that we are going to be crazy-mad about each other when we are together again and we're going to do something dumb like go to a chapel in austin and get married.

anyway- the plan is my way to recovery from the depression hell i have been living in. btw- i think i want ot major in social work and focus in counseling. random.

i need to go to sleep. i have a busy day tomorrow!! yay! finally! GOALS!!! ASPIRATIONS!! HURRAY!!

wow much better night

2005-11-13T10:14:02Z

well, tonight was a much much much better one than last night. although, to get worse than last night someone would have to cut off both my legs, hang me up by my fingernails, and give me straight poison in an IV. lol

we started off going to eat at cancun AGAIN. i have to stop going there. i am an addict. then we went to pick up some friends and my step brother and headed on over to 14th ave for a nice little party. my buddy from home got COMPLETELY shit faced in about an hour and was making a COMPLETE fool out of himself, and me being the DD for the rest of my life, could not handle the pressure. i had to get him out of there. we took him over to this dude's apt. and let him piss and try to throw up. btw- that is the only time i have ever had someone so drunk that they could not undo their belt/button to piss. how embarrassing. anyway, after fighting with him for about an hour to SHUT UP we went to another party off of 15th street. it was awesome- good music. good people. my buddy still drunk as SHIIIIIIT walking around like a crazy person. man- he even spit crackers at people. it was toooooo much. 8 glasses of hunch with a little too much PUNCH will do to a guy. at many points in the evening, he forgot completely who i was/where he was/how he got there. it was KUH RAY ZEE. but i had fun. there was this guy that i had met a while back that got my number somehow and was calling me trying to say there was an after party in his pants. i guess he thought he was just that fine. too bad he's never seen a mirror and didn't know that he was FUCKIN ugly and TOOOO sure of himself. eewww. it was grosse. i swear, i really don't understand how guys like this think that they are going to get a posetive result. its almost insane: repeating the same behaviors over and over without a change in result. damn. errr. stupid stupid. i am glad to say there are a few good men left out there. at least, that's what i'm hoping. :) lol

but hey- weekend's over, and the sooner monday gets here and i get my tooth fixed- the mutha fudgin better.

worst night in the history of the world

2005-11-12T20:33:25Z

ok- i wish i could go back in time and ERASE last night. literally- i just want to erase the entire evening. it started out at my sister's house, then we left to go to this guy's house to see one of my girl's from back home. sounded great to me...then we got there. the one guy that i never ever ever ever wanted to see again- like NEVER again, was there. ewwww. needless to say, in the more recent past, this asshole did not understand wtf NO meant. so... anyway, he's a fucking jerk. we no like him. sooo- i wanted to get out of there and go somewhere else. i got lost. booo. i had a car full of pissed people cause i had no idea where i was. so we go back to this guy's house, and i go to find my step brother who came to visit. came back to the guy;s house. went to the HOOKAH BAR :) and got CRAZY. this girl was in there and started showin off her boobs and givin people lap dances. my girl jackie was gettin in on that action! it was HILARIOUS. anyway...so leave barraka(i think thats how you spell it). then head BACK to the guy's house to take jackie back. leave again to go to a party on 8th ave. decided since i didn't have to drive i was going to get DRUNK. so i did. then when i got driven home, i was walking to the door with my younger sister, and i fell onto a bike, and then I CAUGHT MYSELF ON THE CEMENT WITH MY TOOTH. SOOOO- now i have 1/2 of my front tooth. seriously. i swear. i'm telling the truth. its the FRONT TOOTH. so i spent the rest of the night crying, making myself so upset i threw up like 80 times until there was nothing left and i was just gagging horribly. it was a horrible night. by the way, i am the most teeth obsessed person- i loved my teeth. it was my favorite thing about myself. dang it. anyway, i am not leaving the house until i can get it fixed. and i mean that. i am just that vain.

"monday monday, that's what i say..."

2005-11-08T04:29:37Z

well today i got to hangout with my friends from sylacauga ALLLL day long!! my boy chris made my stinkin' day. i told him we were gonna get married one day. HAHAHAHA. it was so nice.

i also ran into Rob from Mallet- that's what i have to call him: Rob from Mallet, because i don't know WHAT his last name is. ahahaha. well, he told me to start coming to Mallet more often. my buddies think i am there enough... but i guess i haven't been in like a month or so. that will be fun. :) i like Mallet.

AND... i saw my boy wesley. he is absolutely the sweetest thing ever. he is the only guy i ever met that within 5 minutes, we were telling each other how much we loved each other. he is so sweet. unfortunately, i can never get with wesley. its impossible if you know what i mean. oh well- someone else will be quite lucky! he is a hot one! :) lol

for dinner me and the best, most-reliable, helpful, awesome, fun girl in t-town went to buffalo phil's. (oh, that's da brooklyn if ya didn't know.) i kinda lost my ID so no beer... sucked. but anyways, we just chilled with this dude named alex and had a good 'ole time.

in other news... things are still on the up-n-up. tomorrow will be a busy day. go to advisor, drop of schedule for new job, drive to & from sylacauga for the bank, open new bank account in t-town, get mailbox key from post office, and do it all before my 3:30 class. gonna SUUUUUCK. but that's alright. guess it'll be goof to have so much off my chest done!

how fun is nothing

2005-11-06T09:24:33Z

well, today i went over to Lori's house and started chasin' back the beers. glad we won the game even though i do not follow football- i got free beer out of it. :)

this JACK ASS named GREG RICHARDSON, (remember that name and do not associate yourself with that ASS), is absolutely the most rude, crude, pigheaded, unsanitary, smelly, hairy, mean, ugly thing i have ever known. and no, this is not based on first impression, i have known him for years unfortunately. he BEGS a few of us ladies to come over to his house. so we go. then he BEGS us to get him alcohol. so I go to MY house and get MY rum and take it to him and some other guys there. then he sees this cheerleader who NEVER give him the time of day and follows her around like a damn leech. THEN when i am ready to go home, i go in, get my smokes, and this bastard sends in one of his buddies to make sure i don't (his words exactly) STEAL the rum. that little fucker. i swear i have not been this steamed in i don't know when. oh wait, yes i do. (corey if you read this shit i think you remember the last time i was really pissed. lol) MY GOSH i am mad. on top of that, he was being the most rude human i have ever seen before hand. when i said i was gonna go get the rum, he starts pitching a damn fit because i wanted to finish the beer i was drinking before i got in the car. he also STOLE a cigarette from ME! man, i am just mad. i am glad i have this to vent on cause i swear i would punch a hole in something right now. EERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. i am so insulted. wait, i shouldn't be. he is mentally retarted. i should feel bad for him.

on another note- i am having good luck with...well, i guess i could say guyS, but its just one. so- i am happy about that. yay. whoooopy. me likie. siiiiiiiiiiiii.

i think those "few" beers i have had are a big influence on this entry. sorry about that. don't know who i am sorry to, but anyway... 'night all and have a wonderful sun-day-of-rest. :)

aaah. to be old enough to walk in and buy my own cigarettes.

2005-11-04T18:00:25Z

my birthday went from the worst day of my life to the drunkest i have ever been in no time. :) hmmm. so nice. i had a freaking blast. no complaints. the cops came, and i didn't even care. i was not even gonna go for a while- i was just saying F THIS, but now...hmmmm....so glad it happened. everyone seemed to have fun and enjoy themselves from what i can recall. it was a magical evening a must say. hahaha

corey, sorry you're sick! we need to throw a party for you when you get better. trust me- that was the most fun i have had at a party in a looooooong time, and you need the same!!

i am going to auburn this weekend. i can't wait to see my boys. i love my guys from back home. i am hurtin like a son-of-a-bitch right now. i am headed offfffff to bed now. grosse feeling. yuck. anyways...lata gata.

dumb and dumber

2005-11-01T02:04:20Z

well...this weekend was fairly nice and then again not so nice. it was great that my mom gave me my present for my b'day and i got my b'day dinner with family. not nice in that i tried to spend time with my dad and he could really care less if i was even alive or not. he left me at home alone while he went to his NASTY HAIRY girlfriend's house friday, came home drunk after leaving her on the side of the highway, and reminded me just how stupid, fat, and ugly i am. that was just splendid.

soo... i also got council on how to handle my life right now. then decided that after years of swearing i would never pierce anything but my ears, i went to the mall, bought an eyebrow ring, went home and pierced my eyebrow with a jumbo safety pin. unfortunately i made the holes about a millimeter too far from each other, so i was going to get it redone today. i saw morenike outside walking back to my apt. and told her what was goin on, she told me she knows some guy that does piercings, and she can help me out with that. sooo... we went to go get it pierced, but first wanted to go to eat. we go to cancun, get margaritas, and then we left. well, that is after i acted pretty retarded after i ran into somebody. (sorry about that if you read this). needless to say, it was the shock, and the fact that i had just inhaled a jumbo margarita.
so anyway- go to get my eyebrow done- can't find morenike's place. so she tells me to go to another one- its closed. sucks! so... now i am at home about to get ready i think to go...SOMEWHERE and do... SOMETHING.

i am so not hardcore

2005-10-27T03:24:15Z

wow. tonight was so interesting. my really close friend steven, this guy is my family for real, came to t-town to see Maylene, Crashing Victory, and some other crazy bands. I of course went to go see him and hang out. Well, head is still pounding from that one. I saw some crazy stuff going on there! They did this "hardcore" dancing that looked more like a seizure. all the more power to 'em for gettin out there and beating up the air! man it was crazy. they pulled the lead singer into the crowd, and the floor, and had him all contorted... it was crazy. the most important thing is that i saw steven. he is the best guy in the world!

i probably need to go to class tomorrow. i am seriously considering just withdrawing and working. how horrible is that. someone talk me out of it.

interesting

2005-10-26T01:05:00Z

from Mona Lisa Smile:

"To change for others is to lie to yourself."

Find the truth outside of boundaries and definition.

Just something interesting to think about.